The current season of scams, resignations and item numbers seems like a good time to get a jump on the ratings and, as they say, grab some eyeballs. The old arrow in the quiver of the jaded writer is this Top 10 Ploy [followed closely by an astute comparison of the general personalities of Munni Vs Sheela, kindly hold breath for next post].
So, in this season marked by Raja, Radia and other turmoils in Corruptia here is the definitive guide to understanding what’s being said, and what’s actually being said –
1. How dare they make this allegation, my family has been serving the nation for the last 3 generations: My grandfather was a union minister and robbed the country blind, my father was part of the cabinet. Now I am MP and I must make cake while the oven’s warm, and maybe get my puppy inducted onto the board of a PSU.
2. I am a public figure, I meet a lot of people – that doesn’t prove anything: Look, you got the pictures of us at the party sipping single malt and leching the page 3 mama’s just before we started up a slush fund. So, what are you going to do about it?
3. He has only the best interest of the masses at heart. The allegations are malicious, baseless and are being twisted out of context by the opposition and a motivated media: He made more than a billion bucks. He gave Rs 1000 crores to the party fund and even I got Rs 100 crores. He is my friend, his position is indefensible. The opposition could never pull a scam like this [jealous lads] – this too will pass!
4. We followed precedence: People have screwed up before me. People have stolen from the state before me. People have given their friends and family a leg up before me. Suck it in and stop whining!
5. The deployment of this technology will help development and create new jobs: I have no clue what the protocols and technology these guys keep jabbering about mean but it’s a Rs 150000 cr investment and, yippee I’m going to be rich. How do I get a Swiss Bank on speed dial?
6. The matter is sub judice, the court is looking into it. We’ll allow justice to take its own course: OK, so he is guilty as hell and has done everything he is being accused of, and more. The freak never shared any of the loot with me but it’s my duty to make these polite noises. I hope the High Command notices me as a loyal servant of the party.
7. I will proceed on a padyatra – I have complete faith in the party high command: Mofussil, here I come! I screwed up, I am going to be sacked but I will be back in government within the year on ‘good behaviour’. Hope the CBI guys don’t find the tapes with my conversations with that PR honcho.
8. He has been a loyal party worker but now the opposition has invoked evil spirits to lead him astray: He was my man, the opposition has paid him Rs 30 crores to switch sides – we’ll see if he will come back to the fold for Rs 35 crores. Damn, inflation!
9. The markets will find their own level and inflation will come down to its earlier manageable levels within the normal cycle: We are clueless, the stock market is definitely being manipulated and we don’t know what to do to whom. Just sell and run. It’s all a big bull – and I need to get a bank loan to buy onions.
10. Both of them were drugged, undressed and these pictures indicate a deep rooted conspiracy reflecting the fall in public values: We know what happened here…don’t we.
So, in this season marked by Raja, Radia and other turmoils in Corruptia here is the definitive guide to understanding what’s being said, and what’s actually being said –
1. How dare they make this allegation, my family has been serving the nation for the last 3 generations: My grandfather was a union minister and robbed the country blind, my father was part of the cabinet. Now I am MP and I must make cake while the oven’s warm, and maybe get my puppy inducted onto the board of a PSU.
2. I am a public figure, I meet a lot of people – that doesn’t prove anything: Look, you got the pictures of us at the party sipping single malt and leching the page 3 mama’s just before we started up a slush fund. So, what are you going to do about it?
3. He has only the best interest of the masses at heart. The allegations are malicious, baseless and are being twisted out of context by the opposition and a motivated media: He made more than a billion bucks. He gave Rs 1000 crores to the party fund and even I got Rs 100 crores. He is my friend, his position is indefensible. The opposition could never pull a scam like this [jealous lads] – this too will pass!
4. We followed precedence: People have screwed up before me. People have stolen from the state before me. People have given their friends and family a leg up before me. Suck it in and stop whining!
5. The deployment of this technology will help development and create new jobs: I have no clue what the protocols and technology these guys keep jabbering about mean but it’s a Rs 150000 cr investment and, yippee I’m going to be rich. How do I get a Swiss Bank on speed dial?
6. The matter is sub judice, the court is looking into it. We’ll allow justice to take its own course: OK, so he is guilty as hell and has done everything he is being accused of, and more. The freak never shared any of the loot with me but it’s my duty to make these polite noises. I hope the High Command notices me as a loyal servant of the party.
7. I will proceed on a padyatra – I have complete faith in the party high command: Mofussil, here I come! I screwed up, I am going to be sacked but I will be back in government within the year on ‘good behaviour’. Hope the CBI guys don’t find the tapes with my conversations with that PR honcho.
8. He has been a loyal party worker but now the opposition has invoked evil spirits to lead him astray: He was my man, the opposition has paid him Rs 30 crores to switch sides – we’ll see if he will come back to the fold for Rs 35 crores. Damn, inflation!
9. The markets will find their own level and inflation will come down to its earlier manageable levels within the normal cycle: We are clueless, the stock market is definitely being manipulated and we don’t know what to do to whom. Just sell and run. It’s all a big bull – and I need to get a bank loan to buy onions.
10. Both of them were drugged, undressed and these pictures indicate a deep rooted conspiracy reflecting the fall in public values: We know what happened here…don’t we.
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