A Spanking New Week

Spanking is back! The term and action had quite fallen off the usage charts, don’t you think? In these times of sticky sweet parental encouragement, when teachers and schools get sued for dispensing tough love – spanking was almost a lost art. No corporal punishment for children and let the flowers bloom as they may. And so the centuries old connection between the hand and posterior, all in the interest of discipline and nation building, has been lost to posterity by the raised palm of peace. There was a time, barely remembered, when spanking whipped up foreplay for a certain kind of life and literature but silk ties, whipped cream and honey replaced even that. Why, even brand new replaced spanking new!

Last week, England spanked the Indian cricket team again. The stock markets got spanked. Even the Congress is finding its feet – it’s got Baba Ramdev hogtied and is attempting to spank Anna with charges of corruption. Farther afield, rioters spanked London’s ‘Cool Britannia’ credentials and pretty much set it afire. Obama is getting his budget spanked almost every quarter. Sit down gingerly and make space because spanking is back. Why, even Indo-Pak diplomacy got bitch-slapped, in a good way, with a Birkin bag.

England did it in style, bending India over its knee and delivering 3 sharp one’s with a cricket bat, and a fourth one to go. We took it bravely with nary a squirm. Dravid resisted for a bit, Zaheer bunked the class altogether and Sehwag didn’t even blink. The bowlers got their bottoms warmed 700 times – now that’s practically inhuman - shame! The stock market flattered to deceive for a while but another Pranab wave of the wand on the repo rate had the sensex smarting all the way down to its knees. Investors are realizing that the bourses are a bum deal and resting their hands on bullion. It’s been a tough week for investors as they withdraw investments with one hand and cover their rears with the other.

It is the season to spank for sure and everyone wants in on the party. BJP tried spanking Yeddiyurappa but he refused to turn the other cheek. The Left attempted spanking the Congress but Manmohan engineered an early evasion. Rahul tried spanking Behenji with the farmers but she’s been pretty much unspankable. And now the Congress is attempting to warm up Civil Society behind its back through some deft reverse spanking. Whether it will stick is anyone’s guess, but one point is unassailable, spanking has a new lease on life.

Banks got spanked, IT companies got spanked, industrial production got spanked, Portugal, Ireland, Greece and Spain will get spanked – very briefly Apple spanked Exxon. We can all rub our palms in glee – it’s been a wonderful time to recover the lost art of spanking from the dusty recesses of social acceptability. It’s a spanking new world and now it’s up to us to ensure that the bottom doesn’t drop off it.