Its strange isn’t it? You mutter happy new year to friends and family, curl up with the newspapers and wait for the throbbing in your head to abate and that’s exactly the cue the universe is waiting for to commence another 365 days of edge of the seat mayhem. Well, it’s the time for the rehash issue where all of us who survived earthquakes, financial crises and terrorist attacks generally smile contentedly and, if in a particularly commiserative mood, smile wanly for the sod that lost a billion when the stock market tanked. It’s time to celebrate the survival of the bedraggled and I wanted to offer my two bits on what made news in 2011, and what didn’t.
There was a time when a derailed train would be a lead story for 4 days. But these days, when we are getting our soul food from Nigella’s Kitchen, and our worldview and moral keel is hewn by the ratings of Scrubs and Dexter, and that grand commentary on social mores, Two and a Half Men – it’s a brand new world, news wise.
News in 2011 surfaced, at times, like a B grade horror comedy. Just imagine, a man recently past middle age sinks into bed with his 3 wives and a couple of sheep after a hard day’s work and what do you think happens? Before you can say ‘Mary had a little lamb’ you get a couple of helicopter load of Special Forces landing in your bedroom to explosive sound effects – and then you’re dead. People are going crazy on Twitter and Obama is smiling with Hilary and the entire Pentagon is singing hail to the chief. Let’s give credit where its due, even M Night couldn’t have scripted this. I shifted from Scrubs to Newsnight.
Portugal, Ireland, Greece and the Spanish economies threatened to fold gracefully to the tune of the accordion giving pigs worldwide a bad name but I stayed tuned to Nigella gently whisking eggs and cream in a crystal bowl. Merkel and Sarkozy sniggered at Berlusconi but I remained unmoved. Nigella’s cake rose and browned evenly, and who needs the EU anyway. The Euro sulked, fell and crushed the Rupee.
We lost a few we loved to love or hate. Time stilled the voice of Bhimsen Joshi but I wish Bhupen Hazarika had sung more for Hindi films. We’ll miss both. Two other men come to mind as they took their final bow in 2011. Steve took the apple a day thing quite seriously. He was king of his world and God recently moved to a Mac. Muammer went out trying to offer his kingdom for his life but ultimately you can’t sell a bad bargain all the time. The North Koreans lost their beloved leader.
Dominique checked out of a New York hotel and that grabbed my attention. Apparently a chambermaid had grabbed Dominique’s attention. We discovered the benefits of showers [not cold, mind you], and phrases like ‘perp walk’, and skeletons tumbled out of old French cupboards. He seemed to be out of the French political scene so I reluctantly tuned back to normalcy and Nigella [Grilled pork chops glazed with honey]. Of course, the spring arrived in Arabia. If it had only made olive flowers bloom in Egypt that would not be news, and I would still be with Scrubs. But the Arab spring turned into a contagion striking winter chills down the spines of sheikhs. And now the army is refusing to get out of the driver’s seat in Cairo so the summer heat seems to be swirling back.
Adele checked into my Ipod. Nigella meanwhile had turned chopping and frying onions into an art form that was fit to be an installation at MOMA. I briefly flipped from Two and Half Men to see Sachin try and get another century, saw Sehwag get to 2 centuries in one day, saw the Tiger learn to meow again, Djokovic, Manchester City, Barcelona, Messi, India lost another Hockey final. The sport of the year was Bunga Bunga and Berlusconi got stick. Ryan Giggs was in 2011 where Tiger Woods was in 2010.
Business was as usual. Stock markets went up and down. Warren Buffet likes the values of the corn farmer especially if the agrarian candidate is his son. The next sage of Omaha may yet be another Buffet. Cyrus will replace Ratan thereby proving that only a Mistry can be enough of a Shapoorji to reengineer Tata. Mitt Romney made his money in private equity and is trying to make president.
The item number award of the year goes to Niira, Barkha, Sheila, Kiran, Vir Sanghvi, A Raja, Kalmadi, Balwa, and sundry others shaking their money end to the bootilicious tune of I-sold it- all-for-a-few-shekels [with a portrait of Anna watching from the wall].
And finally, Julian Assange’s non leak of the year was Indian money in Swiss banks. We think we know how much it is, who it belongs to, but much like 2011, it ain’t coming back.
Mid-term poll in 2012, anyone?
There was a time when a derailed train would be a lead story for 4 days. But these days, when we are getting our soul food from Nigella’s Kitchen, and our worldview and moral keel is hewn by the ratings of Scrubs and Dexter, and that grand commentary on social mores, Two and a Half Men – it’s a brand new world, news wise.
News in 2011 surfaced, at times, like a B grade horror comedy. Just imagine, a man recently past middle age sinks into bed with his 3 wives and a couple of sheep after a hard day’s work and what do you think happens? Before you can say ‘Mary had a little lamb’ you get a couple of helicopter load of Special Forces landing in your bedroom to explosive sound effects – and then you’re dead. People are going crazy on Twitter and Obama is smiling with Hilary and the entire Pentagon is singing hail to the chief. Let’s give credit where its due, even M Night couldn’t have scripted this. I shifted from Scrubs to Newsnight.
Portugal, Ireland, Greece and the Spanish economies threatened to fold gracefully to the tune of the accordion giving pigs worldwide a bad name but I stayed tuned to Nigella gently whisking eggs and cream in a crystal bowl. Merkel and Sarkozy sniggered at Berlusconi but I remained unmoved. Nigella’s cake rose and browned evenly, and who needs the EU anyway. The Euro sulked, fell and crushed the Rupee.
We lost a few we loved to love or hate. Time stilled the voice of Bhimsen Joshi but I wish Bhupen Hazarika had sung more for Hindi films. We’ll miss both. Two other men come to mind as they took their final bow in 2011. Steve took the apple a day thing quite seriously. He was king of his world and God recently moved to a Mac. Muammer went out trying to offer his kingdom for his life but ultimately you can’t sell a bad bargain all the time. The North Koreans lost their beloved leader.
Dominique checked out of a New York hotel and that grabbed my attention. Apparently a chambermaid had grabbed Dominique’s attention. We discovered the benefits of showers [not cold, mind you], and phrases like ‘perp walk’, and skeletons tumbled out of old French cupboards. He seemed to be out of the French political scene so I reluctantly tuned back to normalcy and Nigella [Grilled pork chops glazed with honey]. Of course, the spring arrived in Arabia. If it had only made olive flowers bloom in Egypt that would not be news, and I would still be with Scrubs. But the Arab spring turned into a contagion striking winter chills down the spines of sheikhs. And now the army is refusing to get out of the driver’s seat in Cairo so the summer heat seems to be swirling back.
Adele checked into my Ipod. Nigella meanwhile had turned chopping and frying onions into an art form that was fit to be an installation at MOMA. I briefly flipped from Two and Half Men to see Sachin try and get another century, saw Sehwag get to 2 centuries in one day, saw the Tiger learn to meow again, Djokovic, Manchester City, Barcelona, Messi, India lost another Hockey final. The sport of the year was Bunga Bunga and Berlusconi got stick. Ryan Giggs was in 2011 where Tiger Woods was in 2010.
Business was as usual. Stock markets went up and down. Warren Buffet likes the values of the corn farmer especially if the agrarian candidate is his son. The next sage of Omaha may yet be another Buffet. Cyrus will replace Ratan thereby proving that only a Mistry can be enough of a Shapoorji to reengineer Tata. Mitt Romney made his money in private equity and is trying to make president.
The item number award of the year goes to Niira, Barkha, Sheila, Kiran, Vir Sanghvi, A Raja, Kalmadi, Balwa, and sundry others shaking their money end to the bootilicious tune of I-sold it- all-for-a-few-shekels [with a portrait of Anna watching from the wall].
And finally, Julian Assange’s non leak of the year was Indian money in Swiss banks. We think we know how much it is, who it belongs to, but much like 2011, it ain’t coming back.
Mid-term poll in 2012, anyone?
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